I am 24 and all the pieces are starting to click.

Its all happening.... I just hope it doesn't happen too fast.

Things are going to get very interesting as soon as I get my Iguana.... I always wanted one and now the time is nearing fruition for my reign of terror to begin... MUR HAR HAR har!!!!

Let loose the Lemmings of War!!!!!

I am going to have a serious drinking problem in the weeks to come and all(excluding knackers and ravers) are welcome to join in my merriment and help in my liver's downfall... If you are not in my area then you had better get into my area for the first of many drinkie-poo's.

And bring general stuff!!!!!

I am 24 and I have been butt-fcuked by the world.

A Recap on the story so far.

I hate knackers and ravers.
Knackers and ravers are the scum that forms on the milk of life, and I don't mean cream.... although their faces could use some.
3 ravers tried to mug me recently for my phone(Nokia N-Gage) and failed.
Life went downhill when the new flat fell through due to the owner of the flat failing to hand over the keys to it.
Life went further downhill when I had to break the news to StrongBad.
Life continued its downward spiral towards the pearly gates of hell when I went on a 3-day drinking session and metaphorically shot myself in the foot(No explanation on this shall be forthcoming).
Things then proceeded to come back when I got broadband at home in the "sticks".
And better again when we found a new place details will be forthcoming when I feel like it.

"Reality is an illusion caused by lack of alcohol."

I am 24 and I am out of plan B's.

Thats close, but not quite right.
Thanks for that happy thought... it might cheer me up.
--------------

Thats it.

I am getting myself a knife and I am going to take out all the scumbags in the city, if even one more knacker or raver p!sses me off!

I am fed up with their crap, always spawning more sh!te scumbags that are draining our lovely country dry of everything. I am going to fcuking kill the lot of them even if it means doing a bit of time in the "slammer.

Would it be genocide if I took out all ravers and knackers?

The earlier statement was about 3 ravers that attempted to mug me and failed.

Something smells in my underpants and I think it just moved.

Now I am just fucking pissed off!!!

Thats it, I've had it. From now on I am going to carry a weapon around with me.

I'll explain this remark later on....


First, a recap off the events so far.

Went to quite a few sessions this weekend.

Plan A nevver even saw the light of day this weekend.

Went to a few nightclubs, had a few too many drinks and, fuck it, my heart is not in writing this blog today... not with the recent events that I have experienced. I am going to start carrying a weapon with me, and I don't care if the cops say that its a dangerous weapon. I need it for simple self-defence purposes. I can't be bothered to attack anyone with it, as they most likely would not have anything I desire.

I am 24 and the time is near at hand.

Don't fear the knackers for their weapons shall be used against them.

Things are looking up, going sideways and progressing retroactively.

Hey everybody, stop and smell the flowers in the garden of your neighbour for they are funny and smell like cat p!ss.

All the signs have come to be, the future is now, the past is tomorrow and the now has left the building. The knackers are multiplying and spreading into the cracks in our society. We must be strong in our resolve and purge them from every town, every pub, every shop and take back what the have stolen or weaseled from us.

Now is the time for action, now is the time for the burning of the knacks from their holes in the earth. Now is the time for the use of bottle openers in new and disturbing torture methods.

I had a dream.... A dream filled with the torment inflicted upon the innocent by those we fear... The Knackers. They stalked the land looking for us, trying to force us into 3-stripe suits and to wear pointless fake jewellery. It shall not come to pass, my friends. If you followed my previous tips then you should now be prepared for the equivalent of a cold war.

Onto another topic...

I know I didn't list all the classic games on the Commodore 64 or other systems. The reason for this is that if I made such a list then the last post would have tripled in length. Other great games included B.C.'s Quest for Tires, Frogger, Midnight Resistance, Cabal, 1941, 1942, 1943, Loki, Burnin' Rubber, Donkey Kong, Gumshoe, Pole Position, Yie Ar Kung Fu and far tyoo many more to mention. But I likes the cut of your giblets, I does.

I am 24 and they are after you too!!!

Thats right people. By now, the authorities know who you are, where you live, and they even know who you know. This is the beginning of the downward spiral and there is only one way to break free of it. Do not try and slow the process down, for that is futile. Instead, accelerate the process so that we are back in control of our lives and they have to keep up with us. This will give us the edge over them and will keep us free.

In order to assist you, I have compiled this list of helpful suggestions.

1) Steal what you need when you need it.
2) Steal what you don't need in case you might later need it.
3) Get a gun and shoot some-one.
4) Get a gun from some-one and shoot them.
5) Don't pay for anything ever again.
6) Don't report any crimes to the police, this will help "them".
7) If you see a dog, try for a drop kick.
8) Kittens are excellent mufflers.
9) Spit on the cops to show you care.
10) Claim a police officer assaulted you (One of my personal favorites).
11) Kill all knackers you see(Its legal now).

As you can see, these tips are quite obvious when you disregard the law. This is how we must proceed to save ourselves from succumbing to "them".

I have been thinking all day about the games of old that I played, which is why I still can't do a proper flaming dragon-punch. :(

I grew up in the golden years of the commodore 64. I remember the ads for the Atari 2600 and all I can say is.... "Shame on you America!!! How on earth could you justify broadcasting such an incredibly shit ad!!?!?!?!?!". My brother got a Commodore 64 and it was the "bee's knees". Everyone on my road was jealous of it. I got into programming the most basic shite on it, and my interest in computing and IT developed from there. I then owned A NES, MegaDrive, SNES, Amiga 500, Playstation, Sega Saturn, DreamCast and then I got into PC's.

And now for the top whatever of games for each console/computer.... Retro freaks get your "New Kids On The Block" look ready.

Commodore 64:
1) Elite - Possibly the best game ever invented.
2) Mercenary - Crap vector graphics, but what a game.
3) Chuckie Egg - Very odd platformer.
4) Afterburner - This ran on 64k of memory!?!?!?!?!
5) Turrican 1 and 2 - Classics!!!!
6) Life - Not really a game but fun all the same.

NES:
1) Super Mario Bros. - No explanation needed.
2) Duck Hunt - For that need to kill ducks.
3) Lets face it, thats about the only decent games for the NES.

MegaDrive:
1) Sonic 1/2/3
2) Shadowrunner
3) Streets of Rage 1,2 and 3
4) Micro Machines

SNES:
1) Mario Kart
2) Mario World
3) Zelda(pick any, they're all good)
4) Super Metroid
5) Star Fox - Looked crap but played nice.

Amiga 500:
1) Elite 2(Frontier) - A superb sequel to an already classic game. An entire universe on a floppy disk(Eat that Doom3).
2) Cannon Fodder - "War... has never been so much fun!!!"
3) Speedball
4) Civilisation
5) Populous

Sega Saturn:
1) No good games for this. This is where Sega went wrong.

DreamCast:
1) Chu Chu Rocket - I'm still not sure what its all about.
2) Space Channel 5 - Dance the aliens to death.
3) Quake 3

Playstation:
1) Metal Gear Solid
2) Final Fantasy 7
3) Tekken 3 - You have to love those combo's.
4) Driver - The car physics were outstanding.

PC:
1) Grand Theft Auto Vice City
2) The Sims
3) Battlefield 1942
4) Vietcong - "Charlie in the tree line".
5) Doom 3 - It looks pretty, never mind how it plays.
6) Unreal Tournament - Its too easy to build the levels.

I am getting tired of writing now so I'll wrap this up fairly quickly....

They are out to get you. Yes, he's one of "them".... Not him, the one to the right of him. Yep, thats him. Don't confront him or you'll bring them do on your plan and you won't make it out alive. Play it cool, wait for the moment he gets his cup of whatever and then spike it with laxatives, cyanide, and monkey urine for that added zing!

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it!"

Things are going to change arouund here, like the lemming.

Thats right people....

Its all going to go pear shaped and there's not a thing you can do to stop it.

The signs have been there from the start, if only you knew where to look to find them.

I have seen what is to be from what has been and the now ain't looking too great either.

Lets turn things around in the next few blogs by me asking you lot a few questions and hypothetical situations.

I have just realised that listening to The Streets and having a few smokes is really not the best combination that I could have come up with on short notice, but it shall suffice for the remainder of this blog.... And then I am putting on Soil( 'cos they sound funny ).

I've just remembered..... I have a few more pictures of "The Enemy" that I will post here, just as a refresher course on "Knowing your Enemy".

I, and numerous others, are designing several techniques to elude, combat, and defeat this, the most dreaded of humans depravity.

Also, on a oddly lighter note....... I have no idea what I've written in this blog.... I could have declared my undying devotion to Jebus and I really don't want to know, lets keep it that way, eh?

Somebody please give me an idea of what to blog about. I know, "Knackers".... but that one will have to wait until I get around to installing MS Office on my PC, so maybe tomorrow night.

Forwards not backwards, upwards not forwards and always twirling, twirling to the future

Well, it looks like this is going to be another late-night blog from me.

This time I am going to try and make it more interesting for everyone.

From now on, am going to also answer questions from readers of my blog. So, if you have any questions about me, or even just questions you think I might be able to answer, then just post them here and I'll answer them if I feel they aren't too personal or interfere with any of the plans I may have.

Anyways, it was just another Sunday on the homestead for me today. Woke up around 2pm and discovered the house completely desserted. This, I found, was rather unusual as I was expecting people to be around for their Sunday dinners. I got up, wandered around the house and decided to take a shower, so I did. It was lovely! Then breakfast and then later dinner. I sat down and watched a lot of Futurama and Simpsons because I couldn't get the money together to go for a pint. I was really disapointed because of the latter.

Ah well, no use crying over a dead body, isn't that what THEY say?

I have a request to make of everybody that reads my blog. Spread the word about me, get people to read, and post their comments, the world through the eye of a knacker-hating, madness-embracing lunatic.

Who put the lemming in charge...?

Its time for a bonus blog from the random cells in my head that haven't died.

It has once again surpised me.... I didn't think it would be possible but it is.

I came home from work today and while I am waiting for my bus home I ran into my old arch-nemesis. She was wandering around considering the possibility of getting my bus. I got talking to her and it struck me. She was afraid of me, or more likely, of what I could do.

She is my Ex-Girlfriend, and if I read the situation correctly, then she still wants a part of me. But this is something that will never occur while I live!!!

Anyway, we talked sh!te for all of 3 minutes before she ran off to get another bus. I didn't care because I was still in shock at seeing her after such a long time(Don't ask because I'm not telling).

Peace out, up and beyond.

WHAM Bars, haircuts and Pronography!!!

I have a few interesting stories to share with you.

The first story involves a dreaded sweet, designed in the lowest levels of Hell, that has caused many parents to run in fear from the dentist rather than admit that the sweet did all the damage.

I am of course talking about the feared, and rightly so, WHAM bars. I know you all remember them. Its hard to forget them and the damage they do.

I went out for a few drinks(Not a lot of drinks as is my usual routine) last night with a few mates(names deleted for their sakes). After the drinks, we all headed back to their place for a few more drinks and some porn. On the way, we stopped off to get some food. The place looked like a dodgy chipper best found, and left, in a "The Streets" video. Anyways, we all ordered our food and while we were waiting for the food we had a look around the shop. Lo and behold, there up on high on a shelf sits a box of the dreaded WHAM bars. Needless to say, we needed a willing victim to try out these miracles of modern consumerism.

It was not a pretty sight watching my mate eating the bar. He feared for his teeth, we all feared for his teeth. But he survived it. He really enjoyed it too, the lucky b@$t@rd.

Next up....

I have a mate who is thinking of doing something radical with his hairstyle.
He is also willing to abide by the majority decision of everyone.

So what I need to know now is.... What hairstyle should my mate have? Also note, various colours are acceptable too. Will he have a mullet, a shaved head, an Elvis look or something far far worse.

Leave a comment and have your say now... Affect the course of this young man's life.

Lastly.....

I have a mate who proved that it is possible to sleep through watching porn. I wouldn't mind if it had been some dodgy camcorder porn from Macau, but it was a decent one showing on the Sci-Fi channel called "Creating The Perfect Man". We all sat down, got comfortable, with our cans of alcohol to watch the porn. It was about 1am at this point. One of my mates had to have an early night as he was getting up to meet his mother the following day, so he had an excuse to bow out. Another mate who was in work later than me today stayed up for most of the porn but tiredness forced him into an early retirement halfway through the porn, and this was aceptable.

What was not acceptable was the last mate. She was the one who chose the porn, set the reminder for the porn and then as soon as it started, she passed out. I wouldn't mind her passing out, but I do mind the fact that after she passed out she began snoring, badly. There is nothing worse than when you are watching something that interests you and another person is snoring over the dialogue. And yes, I know there is f*ck all decent dialogue in any porn but its the principle that matters.

This person shall remain anonymous for obvious reasons, but I shall slag the person unmercifully for at least a week until I am satisfied that my revenge has been sated.

How to program yourself into and out of a hole.

here I am, 24 years young, and I would like to be a progger.

I have 5 years of college experience, 1 year of work experience and 18 years of ideas.

I have been asked, cajoled even, into helping out a mate with their web project. I mention this in the hope that said person reads this and responds explianing while they are not here to talk about how this project is going to reach fruition.

I like big words like flaucihoccinahilapilafication and antidisestablishmentarianism.
These words are fun to spell.

Tonight, I am going to go out drinking with a few mates as one of my work colleagues is leaving us to go on to bigger and brighter things. I am not going out for a big session, just a few quiet pints and then the last bus home to the middle of mowhere.

Here is a random list of names that I rather like :
Ryan
Kevin
John
Michael
Satan
Lucifer
Kyrren Tyrell
Zoe
Mary
Claire
Gaia


Will update again when I have more interesting stories to amuse you, my viewers, with.

I am 24 and I need a change of pace.

I have been doing the same style of blog for the last 30-40 posts and its starting to get repetitive.
In order to combat this, I am going to start changing my title formats ti whatever the hell I feel like, besides, its my blog and I can do whatever the f*ck I like with it.

Last night, while under the effects of illegal substances, I found 2 of the best programmes on Sky Digital that I've seen in a long time.

1st Programme : Downloaded(I think it was on Bravo or Bravo+1 at around 10.30-11.30pm)

This programme is dedicated to finding the oddest stuff on the internet and, obviously, showing it to the general TV public. I watched it for a while and they do show some really interesting stuff i.e. porn, banned commercials, flash animations and more.
While watching Downloaded I was introduced to Greek Andy. G.A. is a little kid, about 14, that likes to "present" his own web-show. I took extreme offence at his slight against the Irish and he got a few jabs in at our drinking culture. I am going to find him and sort him out.

2nd Programme : Can't remember the name(Again, I think it was on Bravo)

This programme is designed and presented for the ultra-lazy people lurking in the couch regions of the living room. Basically, the presenters all have TV's and the spend the show channel-surfing around and they put the crud they find on all the channels on the big screen for the viewers to see.
They also do a fairly decent running commentary on it.

Also note, Late nights on Sci-Fi are decent with a lot of adult material being shown. Free pron for everyone!!!!!!

I am 24 and I am sad.

Things have as usual go pear-shaped.... again!!!

Why, oh why do things just not go according to any plans that I have.

Here is what I wanted to happen :
1) Go to company BBQ.
2) Get slightly p!ssed.
3) Go to a party.
4) Score.

Here is what I remember happening :
1) Started drinking at 7pm.
2) Went to BBQ.
3) Had food, started drinking.
4) Started dancing.
5) More drinking.
6) Back to a mates house for a party.
7) Started into the Sambucca.
8) Had part of first smoke.
9) Talked to a few mates.
10) Watched a really disturbing sight that may require counselling later.
11) Started into some illegal activities.
12) Had a short conversation with a nice cop and sh@t myself.
13) Left the party rather quickly and started looking for a cab home.
14) Found cab, cost €30 and arrived home at 4.30am.
15) Nearly got beat to death by my rudely woken brother.

See how a simple 4-part plan can change and develop into a 15-part disaster.... Especially now that the cops have my name and address. I can feel it coming, that the cops are going to start drawing a lot of lines that are going to all point to me.

Anyway, I am going to take a break from my usual ranting style and change the topic.

Love a.k.a. The Ultimate Killer.

Love is a dangerous thing. Especially if the object/person that is receiving your love does not return it. This can lead to the famous "We can still be friends..." line that everyone fears.
I don't know how the majority, or even the minority, of women view love. Does love exist, or is it just a chemical imbalance in the brain due to to endorphines or some other crap floating around our bodies.
Love, to me, is an unusual thing. I love crime, I love committing crimes, I love watching other people commit crimes, but I don't love when a crime is commited against me.
I love people, but I am not going to marry them.
Love causes too many problems. If everyone was emotionless then love would be an easier thing to cope with.

I am single and I am finding that love of anyone or anything is causing me more pain than pleasure.

Let me tell you about me and my brick.

While I was in college, doped off my head, one of my mates brought me home a brick from a construction yard. I accepted the brick and named him Traban Skye. I brought Traban with me everywhere, although convincing bouncers is tricky when you have a brick in your hands.
I loved that brick. I taught it to play dead, sit, and attack with assistance. But then my brick died tragically... he was pushed out a second story window and didn't survive the impact.

I really loved that brick. I was deeply hurt by his sudden departure.

I am getting rather tired of this blog so I think I am going to call it a day.

One final note though....
If people don't start taking my warnings seriously, then I am going to begin naming names, and I don't think anyone I know really wants their name blasted all across my blogs for the world to see.

I am 24 and I have a bad back.

Hello all and welcome to another fine blog by the master of disaster, the lover of clover, the pain of rain yadda yadda yadda.... its me, okay.

Anyway, this week I have mostly been getting exceptionally drunk and smoking lots of dubious things. ;) Things are starting to look a little bit odd in the EYE OF GOD.

I have seen a lot of strange crap and also a lot of really great stuff in this last week and I have also received a lot of disturbing news, but we'll come to that later in this blog.

Strange crap seen : The Sci-Fi channel late at night shows a load of interesting "Adult" films in a spin off of "The X Files" a la "The Sex Files". Highly entertaining drivel for the mind.
Strange stuff : "The Most Fertile Man in Ireland" is a hilarious movie about a man supplying the needs of many women who only want a child. Every five minutes is a continuation of an old joke or a completely new joke to keep the mirth flowing.

And now for the disturbing news.....
First, My mate is getting married after many years of blissful ignorance of this horrible institution. My sincere hopes and good vibes to the Man and power to the Woman, may she always look on him with fondness and always look on me with awe in her eyes for my godliness.

Second, My mate is also quitting his job after discovering the joyish hells of marriage. Why must he do this, I do not know. All I konw for sure is that I am going to lose another mate to the hells of marriage.

Third, Another mate is very deeply considering leaving the job as well. This will leave me on my lonesome surrounded by lots of strange people that haven't really gotten used to my odd characteristics.

My P.O.A.(Plan Of Action) for tonight is : I am going to a BBQ to get my free food and free DRINK and then I have no POA after that. I am going to resort to my plan B for the rest of the evening, which means that each new situation that arises will be dealt with me improvising my reactions based on my knowledge of the situation.

Thought of the day : All marriages should be banned and existing marriages should be made null and void. In the place of marriage, we should all just have lots and lots of comunal sex, as this will cut down on people feeling unappreciated because of their butt ugliness, morale would increase because everyone is getting laid. Yay me, for I is so smart-like.

Keep it real people.... otherwise something nasty will happen to you.

I am 24 and I am lost.

I am starting writing this and the clock says its 5.16am.

Its late, I have had a little of column A and a little of column B, and I have just watched a very strange movie.

"The most fertile man in Ireland" is a disturbingly odd movie.

Conclusion: Watching it is a good thing.

Too tired.... Will stop now. 5.19am

I am 24 and I am sorry.

I am sorry for not updating my blog properly yesterday.
I am sorry for not conquering the world.
I am sorry for the lemmings.

Okay... enough of the whining and on to the action....

Saturday....

I was in work on Saturday. One of my mates brought me in a new PC and I had to bring that over to amother mates house by cab. After that I had to go back into town to meat up with an ex-work mate and another current work mate for a few pints and to do some discreet dealings. After this, I headed to a wake for a friend of a friend who's father had just died. Don't get me wrong, I like the parties, but I get so bored by the funerals. After the pints with him, I headed back to my mates place, which is surrounded by my mortal enemies the knackers. I stayed up that night messing around with my new toy and then I crashed.

Sunday.......
Sunday was very busy for me. I got up around 1pm and I spent an hour with my mates and then I lugged my PC to the bus depot to head up to see my old college mate. It took nearly 3 hours on the bus to get up to him, but it was worth it. I dropped the PC off in his place and we headed off for a quick role-playing game session. Then it was back to his place to get the PC set up and I put Doom3 on it(It plays crappily). Then we headed off for a few pints and then back to the flat for a few smokes. Passed out about 3am.

Monday......
Woke up at about 1pm and went straight to pub. Did not pass go, went directly to drunk. Then it was back to the flat to mess around with the new PC and to watch Alien Vs. Predator. What a great movie that is. The fight scenes are incredible.... and the Aliens truely hate the Predators. I loved it!!! After watching that twice we then headed out to a party and they were there waiting, like I knew they would. I f*cking hate knackers. The party was a load of sh!te and we only stayed for about an hour. One of the knackers tried to start a conversation with me, something along the lines of.... "Are you alright?" to which I replied "F*uck off" or something similar. Then we went back to the flat to continue getting p!ssed.

Tuesday.....
Woke up around 12pm and went straight to drunk again. We started the day by playimng Munchkin Fu for shots of Blue Aftershock(The drink that tastes slightly better than mouthwash). Everything went blurry for a while so we vegged out and watched some crap p0rn. I was not impressed. Later that night, after more alcohol had been consumed and I had passed out on my mate's floor, somebody got creative with a permanent marker.

Wednesday......

I woke up with my body in bits, both physically and graphically. I was covered in cryptic markings. My face and upper torso were covered in marker. I will admit that it looked really cool at the time, but it took me an hour of scrubing with the hygenic equivalent of a wire brush to remove the damage done to my face. I still have the markings on my back from that night and I fear that the ink has seeped into my blood stream. I was supposed to be in work today, but by the time I woke up it was 2pm and I felt like death incarnate. Besides, it would have taken me another 3 hours to get back to work and my shift for the day would have been over.

Thursday......

I was in pain on this day. I felt like my arse had exploded and my stomach had left me. Not a good way to be. But I survived somehow. I got home after work and watched AvP again. Then I had few smokes and went to bed.

I am 24 and I have a brain-baby

SSSSSSssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! You'll make the brainbaby kick.

Thats right, I am hungover.

Will update this tomorrow with loads of gory detail.