I am 24 and I can see through time.

Perhaps I may have been a bit too harsh about my mate in the last blog.... So I will apologise in my own way-----> "Read my DISCLAIMER!!!!!" ---> Apology over.

Anyway, on to other things at hand.

I am a pirate.... OOOO...Aaaaarrrr!!!!! I have the one-eye requirment, I have the eye-patch, the peg-leg is optional(So I didn't go with this one) and I have my DVD-burner. All I am missing is the parrot and my pirate boat.

I are good at what I is doing!!!

I likes what I are doing a lot.

Recommendations : If you want to have a laugh, do a search on "Newgrounds.com" for "Retarded Animal Babies" and watch all 8 or 9 episodes. You'll thank me for it later, trust me. :)

If you have any special requests you'd like me to blog about then all you have to do is post a comment with your request and I'll get straight to work on it.

I am 24 and I am grateful.

First of all a big Thank you to "Anonymous" who posted a comment.... You have made me feel like I am not totally alone in this universe, or the next one.

Also to note, if you have to post anonymously..... Can you please leave some form of identification so that I can properly praise you.

Now to tell you about my experience last night.....

Don't be afraid if I mention my mortal enemies.... The Knackers.

I had just finished work(10pm, and don't ask) and was heading into town to get the last bus home. I was with a mate from work(name withheld to save him/her from embarrassment). I still had 30mins to wait before my bus showed up, so I decided to wait with my mate for his bus.
So there we are, standing at a bus stop, talking sh!te about everything. And what do you think happens? A k.k.k.k.knacker comes along, wobbling slightly, and asks my mate for a cigarette. I already have my hands out indicating that I don't have any cigarettes(which was a lie, I had 2 packs of Benson & Hedges(c) in my pocket). My mate apologies to the knacker saying that he doesn't have any and then my mate turns to me and indicates that I should give the knacker one of my hard-earned cigarettes. I grudgingly parted with the cigarette and as soon as the knacker had wobbled away out of earshot, I proceeded to rip the almighty piss out of my mate for putting me in a situation involving my mortal enemy. I even warned my mate that I would write this blog and explain my anger at this most unholy of injustices to my person.

I am 24 and I am addicted to coffee.

Hi there everybody.

I have started a new hobby. I am going to see how many things I can become addicted to.

So far, I have become addicted to....
1) Coffee
2) Cigarettes
3) Illegal narcotics
4) Porn - all sorts except gay porn (I am not too picky, but I have my limits)
5) Extremely odd movies, especially manga and asian movies(They do violence better)
6) Midgets(I can never get enough of those lovely midgets).

Odd thought of the day : If even one person comments on my blog, then I am a happy camper with a bunch of midgets.
Another odd thought : Behind every great person in power there is a groudhog hidden in a closet. Its true and you can see the proof if you examine the pictures close enough.

Time to tell you, my dearest readers, of my adventures in America.

I went over to the States to visit a few mates who'd gone over to work(J1). They were living in Pittsburg Pennsylvania at the time. I came over for a 2 week holiday, although my timing was sh!te. I arrived on September 4th(Can anyone see where this is going?). I met up with my mates with no problems and spent the next 6 days getting higher than we'd ever been(I made a dealer cry because I'd bought him out of stock) and drunker than the americans could believe. Then came 9/11. I woke up with a hangover and turned on the TV..... I wasn't paying too much attention to it and I thought the Twin Towers falling down looked really cool. Then I went back to bed.
Later on, on the road, I saw a kid in a Darth Vader outfit holding a sign that read "Beep for America". I was in a taxi at the time, so there was no way that I was going to interfere with the driver's horn. I had great fun getting back from America all the same. I was bringing home a momento for a mate to his mother. It was solid metal(I didn't know). I went through the metal detector in the airport and, of course,m I set off the alarms. The female guard was quite shocked at me. So I went through the process of emptying my pockets.... I even offered to remove my eye to prove I wasn't hiding anything(I love that joke :) ). She got even more scared after that.

Note : Americans are funny people.

Another Note : Can the people who post here anonymously, post something to identify themselves. Otherwise, how will I know who to scream at.

I am 24 and I am happy.

Do not ask why.
Do not ask how.
Do not ask where -> for I don't know.

Here's a crazy thought for you.

Willy Wonka : All round nice guy, makes lots of nice chocolates and supplies the children with reasons to visit the dentist. He hangs around with a lot of midgets and uses his old shoes to make more chocolate.

But is he a slave trade ring leader? When you see the facts laid out(Willy Wonka admits it) you will see that he is.
He admits that when he first found the cute little Oompa Loompa's, they were being killed en masse by Vermicious Knidds and Horn-Wranglers and other such nasties.
And what did our friend Willy Wonka do? He offered them a nice deal. Senór Wonky offered to save the Oompa Loompa's from certain death as long as the worked for his as slaves in his factory. If only we'd heard of his scams earlier. Perhaps a few more Oompa Loompa's could have been saved.

Ah well, I for one am looking forward to seeing the re-make of this popular acid movie. :)

"We must keep going forwards, not backwards. Upwards, not forwards. And always twirling, twirling to the future"

I am 24 and I look at odd things.

Its true!!! Its all true!!!! :)

I like to find the craziest things on the internet.

I have read all the "Dilbert" comics( http://www.dilbert.com/ ).
I am currently reading all the Marvel comics( http://www.marvelcomics.com/ ).
I am currently reading all the Garfield comics( http://www.garfield.com/ ).
I have read and still read PurplePussy( hhtp://www.purplepussy.net/ ) *note: its not what it sounds like. :)
For some really sick stuff try....
http://www.subservientchicken.com/
http://www.homestarrunner.com/
http://www.newgrounds.com/

I am on a mission to find the one most disturbing thing on the internet...... I hope to be able to present to you with paraplegic midget porn soon, i.e. as soon as I can find it. :)

And yes, I know this has been a short blog as compared to my usual "sit down with a nice cuppa and have a cigarette while reading the latest blog" scripture. To be honest, if nobody is going to read my blogs and post comments on my blogs, then I will have to consider that this is my best kept diary in a long time, and since I am not overly fond of diaries of any sort, I may not update it everyday or do a very long blog, but I won't forget about it.

I am 24 and I have several identities.

I have always found it useful to have several differnet identities that can be blamed for different things.

I went too far though.....

First, I am Erathis Fleetfoot, an Elven Rogue who can not be seen even if I stood in the middle of a field in broad daylight. I plan on owning a fleet of ships and am hoping to branch out into bucaneering(I think I spelled that wrong). Most of my mates won't go out with me in case I need cash and decide to rob them.

Second, I am Fahredon Carmallick, a Malkavian who worships oranges. I betrayed my employer because I was tired of taking orders and wanted to give the orders for a change. I fought the Baali and came out only slightly more deranged than when I went in. A word of advice, if you are going to diablerize your boss, make sure he does not have a second personality in his head. I have stood up to the prince and confused him, then I insulted him greatly but my madness was able to cover that one.

Third, I am Asako Arakasi, a samurai of the Crane Clan. I have the ability to defeat opponents without having to draw my Dai-Katana. I believe that ninja's don't exist, although after being attacked by skilled swordsmen clad in black garb, I am beginning to doubt my beliefs. I don't like ronin as they weren't courageous enough when their master was killed and they chose to live in shame instead of commiting sepukku.

Fourth, I am Zephyr, Mutant extraordinaire. I have four arms, the ability to turn invisible, I can kinetically charge the bullets in my guns and I can climb walls. I am so fast that I can catch bullets and throw them back faster than they came at me. I have fought Juggernaught and lived. I believe in myself and my abilities, nothing else. I help my team-mates as long as they are not trying something foolish. I have outrun a tomahawk missile. I am INVINCIBLE!!!!

Fifth, I am Oogi "TurnipFish" T. Wibble Esq. "Get it right, people!!!". I am the culmination of 4 deranged brothers. I am also the product of too many illegal substances and a lot of spare time with which to enjoy said substances. I was born out of a desperate need to lose my previous existence and to reign supreme as a lunatic.
I am godly, but I choose to walk the earth. I am small, but I think big. I am devious but my plans are simple.
If you ask me "whats plan B?", I'll reply "Plan B is good, it has many good points".

As you may have guessed, or not, I like role-playing games. This was a list of my role-playing "characters" from my college days up to the present.day.

I am also "TurnipFish Productions". Entrepreneur, pirateer, dealer, whealer, and all round nice guy with a gatling gun. :)

I am 24 and I am disappointed.

Well, I am glad to see that all my "loyal" fans/readers/homeless people took their time to post their comments or, rather, lack of comments. As you can probably guess, I am disappointed..... very disappointed.

When I started this blog I had great hopes.

You see, I never was able to sit down and write a diary or memo or anything like that. A week or 2 ago, a mate put me on to this blogging business and I thought "Hell yeah, I can do this. It will be my online diary".

I guess I should not be surprised that even less people read my online diary than the number of people that used to read my *RL diary.

Anyway, I have smaller fish to fry. I went to see Spidey2 last night, and I was impressed(despite what my mate keeps telling everyone). I thought the fight scenes were truly cool, and no short fights either. I'm talking full-on war-zone type action. I will admit that I nitpicked a few spots of the movie, but that is just the way I am. I still enjoyed the movie, I thought the love story was a bit over-done and drawn out, but still I liked the "Kirsten Dunst nipples" again. :) Doc Oc was great, a true bad-ass bad guy. And I enjoyed seeing Bruce Campbell's cameo in it. If you don't know him then I'd say sit down and watch the "Evil Dead" trilogy and you'll know him then.

I need to cut down on my life of crime. I am having less and less time to relax and enjoy life these days. I have people(I call them contacts) calling me every other day asking for things, and let me tell you, some of their requests are really odd. I have dreams, if you cut me do I not scream little a little girl. Why won't you let me live?

I am waiting now for "Alien Vs. Predator" to come out in a cinema near me. In the mean time, I'll just have to go and see "Hellboy". :)

And on a lighter note....

Keep death of the roads...... Drive on the footpath.

*RL = Real Life

I am 24 and I have a question...

To begin with, I have a question to ask my viewers. Don't worry, I won't post the results/answers unless you all ask me for them.

The Question : Do you look at the toilet paper after you have wiped your arse/bottom/buttocks/sh*t-factory?
The Answer/explanation : This will be posted after I have seen the answers posted as comments here and I'll post my findings in 2-3 blog's time.

Anyway, I have more to rant about. I was on the bus home the other night bringing my collection of goodies with me. I was upstairs toward the back of the bus and the journey was looking like it would turn out okay i.e. no knackers in sight. And then it happened.... Halfway through the journey, we stopped outside a cinema to pick up passengers and, of course, a few knackers and raver scum. I didn't care really as I had my headphones in and was doing my best not to get drawn into a conversation(if you could call it that) with them.
***Handy tip #1: If you don't want to get drawn into a conversation with a knacker then hide your cigarettes in an inside pocket of your jacket. Knackers have keen eyes and will spot the cigarette pack bulge in your pocket and start asking you for cigarettes constantly.
I wouldn't mind, but one of the knack-girls that got on was beautiful to look at, and so were her fleas. Anyway, 2 girls got on and 2 guys(all knackers) and sat down the back behind me. The 2 guys immediately started to put a joint apiece together. Again, I don't mind this, as I have been a smoker of the weed in my time, but what I minded was that they both lit the joints on the bus at the same time, filling the top floor of the bus with the sickly-sweet(Their gear was really crap and smelly) smell of gange. Again, I was happy with this, I got to go home with a smile on my face.
I am concerned that the knackers are moving in on my territory(I will explain all this later).

And now for a completely different rant.... I have written more in my blog's here then I wrote in my Leaving Certificate exam in Secondary school. And yet, I only get 1 short f*ck!ng reply/comment for all my hard work. I feel really bad on this point, its like filling up the lake with water and watching everyone using it and only 1 person thanking you for it.

And finally, I'd like to thank a friend for refering his mates to me.
http://cairnsyblog.blogspot.com/

I am 24 and I have a disclaimer.

Okay.

I want to get this out of the way now before I start getting f*cked up emails from parents because their kids followed my example and shot their neighbour's cat or some other such crap!

MY DISCLAIMER : I accept no responsibility, in any shape or form, for the actions taken after you, the reader, have read my blog. I don't accept responsibility for any actions you did prior to reading my blog either. You are on your own... I am not going to help you or anyone get out of whatever mess you got yourself into, thats why its your mess. I will take credit for any goodwill gestures that have come from perusing my blog with the exception of those gestures that later cause "more harm than good". I also retain all rights to your soul, to be used as I see fit. This takes effect as soon as you read this!

I am 24 and I have a plan.

Welcome again one and all to hear the greatest of the great, the maddest of the baddest, the "you can't say that on tv, but I did". I know, but its not often I get to blow my own trumpet, I just can't bend that far :)

I have a plan, but in order for it to succeed I will need full co-operation and undying loyalty from the masses. And what can I promise in return for this small favour? How about this.... The first 100 people to swear fealty to me will get the country of their choice alotted on a first come first served basis. You can swap with the other worshippers at a later date if you get a crappy country.
On to the plan.... Its quite simple really. I get myself declared as a god, therefore making myself free of worldly laws. I can then safely kill off all non-believers and not be prosecuted(because I am god and nobody is going to challenge a god). Once I have killed practically everyone on the planet there will be plenty of space for everyone, hunger will be gone, wars will be over and everyone will be rich.
All I ask is that the first 50 people to worship me should be really cute women(age limits will be decided on a case-by-case basis unless they are incredibly cute and only I will be the judge.) I am not asking for much, just a few comely wenches to bask in the glory of their all-loving god.
And what, I hear you ask, will we be believing in? Its quite simple really. So simple I'm surprised I thought of it first, as it really is easy. Everyone, eyes forward, lights down and poof!!! Believe in...... yourself!!!! Thats it, thats all you need. If you believe strongly enough in yourself then you are capable of achieving all your goals(other than the obvious or dumb ideas like growing 4 arms or flying unaided). You will find that believing in yourself is more satifying than believing in a god that supposedly looks down from on high and tells you not to ride your sister. I say, if she's really hot and up for a bit of "hide the sausage" then play ball.

What say you the people who would be my worshippers? I await your voice to grant us all the ideal lives that we deserve.

We can make a difference, our voices can be heard!!! We will be HEARD!!!!

I am 24 and they are out to get me.

I know this is true and I have the proof.

I was in Town the other night on my long way home from a mates house. I was admiring the new look in the city and I was happy. This is where it all went down-hill. I went into a shop and bought my cigarettes and my bus ticket and I could feel him waiting outside watching as I got my change from the cashier.
I walked back outside and continued on to my bus-stop. That was when he made his move. He came up alongside me, his eyes blood shot from all the alcohol he'd been drinking(I smelled it off him) and possibly from one too many doobs. He looked up at me, which isn't hard for a 14 year old knacker, and told me his first story. He was living rough on the streets(awwwwwww!!!!!), his mother was dead and his father had run off(everyone, awwwwwwwwwww!!!!!).
I thought to myself, "It ain't going to happen", and smiled and continued walking. He asked me for some spare change so that he could get a hostel for the night. I tell you this from experience, a hostel in Dublin would require a lot of spare change as it cost upwards on 20 euro. Straight away I told the kid no and walked on.
You have to admire his dumb persistance. Could he not see that I despised him? He then changed his story hoping to trick me into believing his pity. He told me that he was cold and hungry(duh, what do you expect if you live on the streets) and that he already had a room in a hostel(hold it right there and back up, earlier he said he wanted a room) and if I could just spare a little change to get him some food(my advice, get a pointy stick and hire yourself out to a seedy hotel to solve their rat problems killing 2 problems with 1 pointy stick. He gets food i.e. the dead rats, and he gets paid to rent a room.)
Anyway, I told him no again and he has the balls to call me a bastard because I'd made him walk along and tell me different versions of his story. I never asked him to walk with me, I hate his kind. I wasn't bored enough to want to hear his stories either and even if I was, I'd call my brother and ask him how his day was.

Next :
I am 24 and I have a plan.

I am 24 and I want my own gun!

In my short time on this planet I have owned a variety of weapons.
I have owned:
1 shuriken
3 pen-knifes(3",4" and 6")
1 broadsword(6' from guard to end)
1 Crossbow(Barnett-Trident)
1 Air rifle(AK-47)
1 Brick(Thats right, a brick)

I want a gun now!!! I am not picky, I don't ask for much. All I want is to be able to kill knackers when it pleases me to do so. Although, after the last incident with the crossbow(see first blog), I think the cops wouldn't let me have anything more dangerous than a fork with a cork on the end.

Anyway, Thats all in the past and possibly the future.

What I wanted to rant about now is paranoia. That wonderful sense that somebody somewhere is out to harm you.
I suffer from a medium severity of paranoia, which is why I try my best to protect myself and others from "them". I know only what I need to know and my disclaimer lets everyone know that once our business is concluded that I will not acknowledge them on the street. The purpose of this is to guarantee my own safety. Another point, I absolutely refuse to answer any text messages I get asking me for any illegal goods or services. If the message is not suitably cryptic and confusing then I will simply give everyone the standard "I warned you once, if you do it again I'll report you!". Its just not good for my paranoia.
I also delete all messages on my phone straight after reading them because I don't want anyone else to see what deals I am doing.

Ah, the joys of paranoia. I cannot sleep at night until I know that everything that I have done in the day has been sorted out to my satisfaction.

Next blog:
I am 24 and they are out to get me.

I am 24 and I want to be a tree.

Actually, thats a lie.

I don't want to be tree!!!

Trees are dull. They never move, go out, party, or do any of the exciting things I aspire to be able to do in my own life.

I was asked an interesting question the other day by my mother.

My mother wanted to know if I believed in God. I thought about it for a while, weighing up the pros and cons of destroying my mother's relious beliefs before telling her that I don't believe in God.

Its one of the things that I have considered plenty of times in the past and one of the things that I am going to discuss now.

I find the thought of one persona governing all of mankind to be absurd. I know, he/she/it is meant to be all-powerful and all the rest, but I don't trust that. Too many things can and have gone wrong, wars, plagues, racism and all the other problems in the world. If we are to believe the Christian bible then we have to accept that God gave us choice. This was his first big mistake for with choice comes the power to do wrong. Something tells me that God didn't think this through fully.

I prefer to believe in myself(this is where it gets interesting). I don't hold God resaponsible for my actions. I blame my parents for putting me on this planet but I take full responsibility for all my actions(unless I am crafty enough to frame another person).
I have full confidence in my abilities and I know that I will be the judge in deciding how well I do in life. If I choose to laze around then I should expect to always be on the lowest rung of the ladder. Any improvements in my life will be as a result of the effort that I have put in to improve my life.

And now for another thought... Kevin Mitnick, a legend in his time. Set him free!!!!

Next blog : I am 24 and I want my own gun.

I am 24 and I am tired.

Hi guys,

Its nice to know that people are reading my waffle. It gives me a fuzzy feeling all over.

Today I am tired and hungover. I don't want to be working, but I don't have a choice. :(

I was out drinking last night with a load of my mates and I realised that I think too much about the silliest things. I also realised that paying for a lap-dance is a dangerous thing when you are drunk.

So this is how the story goes....

I was out "on the town" with a load of my mates from work about 4.30pm. Everything went well to begin with. We all started laying into the drinks, me more-so than anyone else. At around 9pm I got a text message saying that an old college mate was finishing up in his job and heading back to Spain, so I decided to call around to another pub and join in for his farewell drinking session. Everything was going well, then the party moved on to a third pub and this is where everything started to go blurry. I was with one of my mates and the bouncer would not let us in to the nightclub. He said we were drunk and he was right. What really got on my nerves was the fact that the bouncer refused to give me either his name or his manager's name(which, if I remember correctly, I am entitled to know). At first I only wanted to lodge a simple "deformation of character" complaint with the manager, but as the bouncer continued to refuse to give me his name I decided to lodge a formal complaint against the bouncer for being unco-operative, uncivil, abusive and lying. The bouncer claimed that he was the manager, but think about it.... if you are the manager of a successful nightclub, would you be on the door stopping people coming in or would you be in your nice office with the cute women counting your money???

Anyway, after getting refused entry we headed to a lap-dancing club and got in(to our surprise). We thought it was just another nightclub at the start until the barman asked us if we were heading downstairs to the ladies. We said "of course, bring on the women!!!". One thing I will say in regard to the club, the women were young and beautiful but the bloody price of the lap-dance was outrageous... €30 a pop, and all you got was a lap dance that was, in fairness, very nice but the women would not go all the way. They would get their breasts out without a problem but you couldn't get their knickers off for love nor money. Don't get me wrong, I love when women grind into you, but its not right that they keep their knickers on. Thats why I only got 3 lapdances.

Phew, this is my longest rant to date I think and I'm only getting to the best part now.

After the club I went wandering around Dublin city trying to get a bus home. I got to my bus stop okay... I am not sure but I think it was still early, about midnight. At the bus-stop I was accosted by 2 young women that wanted me to go to a house party. I was up for the party but it turned out that they were knackers and I f*cking hate knackers.

So there I was, a girl on either arm and me staring at the breasts like there's never going to be a tomorrow and they are saying that one of their mates is throwing a house party. Normally I would not associate with knackers, but I was feeling adventurous and more than a little drunk and I thought "Go with it! I may be able to score with the girl with the bigger tits" because she was hanging out of me.
So we climbed into a cab and headed out to the house party. House party is too kind for what was. There were about 6 people in total and half of them were stoned out of their trees. I thought this would be my chance to infiltrate the knackers and gain some much needed insight into why I hate them so much.
Alas, it was not to be. The ring-leader was wary of me from about 5 minutes after I arrived. I sat down and straight away put together a few doobs, thinking that this would help me to fit in. I was right and wrong. The other people took to me straight away but the ring-leader hid in another room and rarely came out. Next thing I know, one of the girls that I met in town comes out to tell me "the boss ain't happy about me being there" and that it was best if I left.
I agreed, I was surrounded by knackers and I was running out of witty ways to humiliate them. So I left at about 3am with 2 fingers up at them and caught the first cab that passed me, telling him to get me out of there.
The cab brought me home, but I needed to stop to pick up some cash to pay the cabbie.

And now I have explained in detail about the night I had.

Now I am munching on pain-killers and knocking back the coffee to keep my eyes open.

Next post...
I am 24 and I want to be a tree

I am 24.... and I am evil.

My apologies folks, I am not in the mood to write how why I consider myself on a par with my friend Saddam.

Instead, I think I am just going to waffle about the first thing that comes into my head.

***Warning : This next part should offend just about every-one***
*** YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ***
So, to start things off let me tell you how to clean your posterior after defecating using onling 1 piece of toilet paper. Thats right, only 1 piece!!!

Step 1: Fold toilet paper in half.
Step 2: Tear a small hole in the centre of the toilet paper.
Step 3: Insert finger of choice through the hols in the toilet paper.
Step 4: Insert toilet paper finger into anus.
Step 5: Commence scraping the inside of your anus.
Step 6: When anus has been fully scraped, close other hand around the toilet paper.
Step 7: Remove smelly finger, closing other hand tighter(to remove all excrement and clean finger).
Step 8: Dispose of toilet paper and pull up your pants.

Okay, now I am warmed up and ready to rant.

I think Dennis Leary was right when he asked for a Patriot missile in his songs. I want the same deal. I pay taxes, I deserve a missile to launch at whomever I feel like.
I have been thinking about designing and building a MechWarrior(tm). I have been drawing up the plans in my head and I reckon I can get it to work. I have been running into a few problems when it comes to balancing the Beast especially when it comes to walking. I want to employ a form of movement that is reliable, able to cope with sudden shocks, few electrical components(to protect it from EMP's) and it must be able to balance as opposed to over-balancing. If you have any suggestions on how to solve this then mail me or post a reply here.

Next up....
A brief one-sided discussion on the benefits of reading the Anarchist's cookbook.

I have read through the Anarchist's Cookbook several times more for humourous benfit rather than the want/need to learn how to ruin another person's day. I think it is hilarious to discover that with a few household objects you can build a rocket launcher. I realise that a lot of the tips and tricks presented in the cookbook won't work for me. An example of this would be the "black box" which affects primarily american phone systems and doesn't work for Irish phone systems. Still, it is nice to see that somebody went to the trouble of figuring out the system and developing a system to work around it.

If you have read the Anarchist's cookbook and are looking for more of the same, then I'd recommend getting the Terrorists Cookbook. Its pretty much the same concept except it focuses on ruining another person's day through terrorism. A lot of the stuff in the TC is plain old cop-on i.e. Nailing your neighbours door shut.

Special thanks and odd thoughts go out to :
George "Lets all be friends. Nuke him when he ain't looking" W.
Bill "I didn't go near her" Clinton
Saddam "My missile is bigger than yours" Hussein

And up next on the blog....
***I am 24 and I am tired***

I am 24 and I hate knackers.

Da-da-da-DA-Dah-da-DAAAAHHHHHH, Knacker Power!!!.

I hate them!!!!!!

They multiply at a rate that would make the horniest rats jealous.

In the town nearest to where I live(I live on a farm in the countryside) all you see when you walk down the road are people wearing "3-Stripes" and ugly women that can't talk to you in a language that anyone other than a knacker can understand.

I have a friend who is studying the "ancient" art of "Knack-Fu". He has spent the last 2 years learning the styles and moves from some of the worst knackers on our planet. He has mastered the "Broken Bottle Stance" and the "Hypnotiser" attacks. Last I heard he was studying under a knacker known as Anto, or possibly Deco, and he is being trained up on the "Box Attack".

One of my mates and I came up with a theory that all Knackers used to live underground, in tunnels buried far beneath our roads. For some unkown reason, possibly a nasty virus they come not cope with and which would explain why they are all so butt-ugly, they dug their way upward to our land and started to mingle into our society. We believe that this would have begun in the last 100 years due to their rate of spreading. Furthermore, we believe that we have located their source, but we will not give out the location for we are paranoid that they might find out we know.

So I say to you good people.....

Rise up!!! Rise up and reclaim what they are trying to take by force, by guile and mostly by sheer weight of numbers. They have taken our homes, taken our jobs, taken our names and I'm sure a few of them have even tried to convert our sons and daughters. We can not let this be for if we did, then there would be no hope for the planet unless your name is Anto.

Coming in the next post : I am 24 and I am evil.

I am 24 and I want to take over the world.

I have been thinking too much lately about how to improve the world. I have come up with a few idea's, although I am sure that no government will fund them.

My first concept involves removing all current cars off the roads, then removing the roads and replacing them with magnetised roadways. I think all future cars should be designed to act as a magnet. Therefore, when your car goes on the road it will be able to use the magnetic forces to suspend the car above the road ( A bit like watching B.T.T.F.2 ). And don't worry, I've already considered things like speeding, corners and such like.

Speeding : The only way to properly speed in my system is to either employ another magnet at the back of the car( angled down ) to increase your propulsion.

Corners ( and staying on the road ) : I realise that there would be problems with turning around, and the possibility of cars rolling over and the magnetic forces crushing the car. To cope with this, I propose to have the sides of the road sloped upward like a half -pipe. This would encourage the car to stay in the channel. Extra sloping would be required for corners.

Fuel : Not nessessary. All vehicles would be using magnetic forces as their power source. Okay, you might need a car battery to run th e headlights off etc.

And now for the bad news.... I think this won't work because each country would have to generate massive amounts of electricity to power the roads, supplying the magnetism, which means that the world would chew up the last of our fossil fuels a lot quicker.


Next post : I am 24 and I hates Knackers.

I am 24 and I think that I am insane.

I know this sounds mad, and contradictory.

I mean, how can you think you are insane, or more to the point, how do you know you are insane? I have spent many hours thinking about the many facets that make me me. I like to do things that most people I know would have to think twice about doing, and even then most likely they will just not do it. I spend a lot of the time thinking about strange things.... I've even developed a new and strange paranoia particular to me and possibly, nay likely, a good few others in the world.

First, the background information. I have one eye due to an accident involving a large dose of a crossbow, a unhealthy amount of partying and all while under the influence of my good friend alcohol. Basically, one of my mates shot me in the eye with MY OWN crosbow( this is the part that really got me ).

And now the paranoia.... I have lived with only one eye for 3 years now and there are lots of things that are beginning to bug me. 1) Depth Perception... The ability to judge distances requires 2 eyes. I can only see a plain image(Like looking at a TV screen) 2) Dust... Now, if I get dust/dirt/water/etc. in my eye thn I am blind, no way around it. I have been splashed by the complimentary car and had to stop walking and clear my eyes before I'd take another step. 3) Driving... I feel that I am less likely to be fully able to drive a car because if I need to look around for some reason, it means that I have to turn my head fully around so that my "good" eye can see it. Obviously, this means that I won't be looking where I am driving. And the ultimate irony is "blind spots". I am blind on the left side, hows that for a f*cking huge blind spot.

Anyway, my main paranoia now is that I fear that while I am sleeping, a spider crawls in behind my glass eye "shield" (Its not a full eyeball, only a hemisphere) and lays eggs(or whatever they're called) and I would not notice until the eggs hatched and the spiders start moving around.

Now that is what I call sick and twisted.

As I may have said, I have far too much time on my hands to think about very strange things.